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Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Whoever said,
"LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep
with dogs. The first thing you discover when you bring a dog into your
bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and
a dog at rest.
Rule #1: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than
rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a
more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space
in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the
bed, with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The
stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less
subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way
between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all
four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule #2: The deeper the sleep the louder the dog.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet
pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible.
Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running,
kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine
fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye
movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night
like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for
years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping
curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule #3: When the dog wakes, you wake.
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not
claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog
flesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, its
dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant
method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a
face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results
by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your
sleeping bodies, or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an
unsuspecting ear.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's
just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night safe,
contented, heavy, and loud.
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